dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
