so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
