just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i think im in europe. pls send help
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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