it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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