The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize