i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
