my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
