I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
