he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
