she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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