As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
