I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
