from now on my penis is your penis
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
