Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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