dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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