She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
