I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
