The maid of honor just puked.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
