Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
The air taste purple.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
