please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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