i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
