i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
