I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
