Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
