He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
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