Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
