Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
