Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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