If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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