i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just had sex on a roof
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
