Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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