she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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