Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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