Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
