whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
