those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
