How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize