So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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