It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Farmville is her only friend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
