My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
