he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
