It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
