My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize