Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize