Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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