oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
