Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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