I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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