Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
