This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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