A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
