Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
