I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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