the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Randomize
