I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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