From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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