I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
