he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
