i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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