He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
