The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
