There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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