i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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