you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
