I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
