I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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