I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
