i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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