So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
