Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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