I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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