when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
