Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
