just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
