Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
