Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
