i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize