I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
