We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
