I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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