I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
